| im so sorry. |
[12 Jan 2008|07:49pm] |
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i screwed up so badly. i shouldnt have been drinking. i shouldnt have been crying. i shouldnt have been so focused on myself that i didnt even realize the effect i was having on other people. i should have been more responsible. i shouldnt have blamed everyone else for something that could have been prevented if only i had been adult enough to think about it, plan ahead and be responsible for myself and my own actions. its my fault and i realize that now. all this time i have been blaming everyone else except for the one person who should have been blamed, me. i am so sorry everyone.... please accept my apology.
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[12 Jan 2008|05:24pm] |
"Sorry"
Oh I had a lot to say was thinking on my time away
I missed you and things weren't the same
Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me want to die
I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry I'm blue, I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all you're sounds, and baby the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry:
This time I think I'm to blame it's harder to get through the days
You get older and blame turns to shame
[Pre-Chorus]
[Chorus]
Every single day I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried it's never too late to make it right
Oh yeah sorry!
[Chorus]
Lifehouse - Broken
The broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you
The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life
I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
Is *there* healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you
I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
*And*I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will
I will be okay
Broken lights on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
Haven't forgotten my way home
I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you
I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you
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| jumble of thoughts and songs |
[05 Jan 2008|04:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
And I knew I'd made horrible call,
And now the state line felt like the Berlin wall,
And there was no doubt about which side I was on.
Back home I always thought I wanted so much more, now I'm not too sure
Cause sometimes I miss knowing someone's there for me and feeling free
Free to stand beside the ocean in moonlight
And light myself a smoke beneath the dark Atlantic sky
I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you
All I can say
I shouldn't say
Can we take a ride?
Get out of this place
While we still have time
I can't believe
You're the one for me
If it was this easy to find you
I should be ready for a fall
I should be ready for a fall
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worst?
What's the deal with my brain?
Why am I so obviously insane?
In a perfect situation
I let love down the drain.
There's the pitch, slow and straight.
All I have to do is swing
and I'm a hero, but I'm a zero.
I ain't settlin'
For just getting by
I've had enough so-so
For the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low
So raise the bar high
"Just enough," ain't enough this time
I ain't settlin' for anything less than everything
Can we forget about the things i said when i was drunk..
I didn't mean to call you that
I can't remember what was said
If I could write a letter to me
and send it back in time to myself at seventeen
first I'd prove it's me by sayin'
look under your bed, there's a Skoal can and a Playboy
no one else would know you hid
and then I'd say I know it's tough
when you break up after 7 months
and yeah I know you really liked her
and it just don't seem fair
but all I can say is pain like that is fast and it's rare
and oh you got so much goin' for you
goin' right
but I know at 17
it's hard to see past Friday night
she wasn't right for you
and still you feel like there's
a knife stickin' out of your back
and you're wonderin' if you'll survive
but you'll make it through this and you'll see
you're still around to write this letter to me
i dont know how i could loose so much so quickly. in only a matter of a few days everything changed. i woke up one morning and my world was shattered and i dont know why or what happened and no one will tell me anything. i lose my boyfried, i lost some of my best friends, i lost my dignity. i lost my mind. hard as i try i cant see the good thats going to come of this. everything was perfect. now its all gone. and the worst part is that i cant seem to forget.
im so so sorry everyone. i swear i didnt mean to, but i guess that doesnt matter, huh? the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
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| dude |
[10 Oct 2007|11:07pm] |
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i need a roomate. if anyone knows of anyone who would by interested in moving in with me, please let me know.
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| mistake |
[05 Oct 2007|09:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad |
] |
i think i made a mistake.
i hate this.
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| just an update |
[13 Jul 2007|10:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 stressed |
] |
so, for those of you who know whats been going on, my mom and i talked and im not moving out just yet. i will in prolly a couple of months, but i want to save up some money first. thank you everyone who helped me with this.
valerie called me into a room at work today to talk to me. she said one of the techs gave notice and angel(the tech supervisor) will be taking me and christina(another receptionist) into the back a few times these next few weeks and we'll see which one makes it. one of us will get to become a tech. im so scared. i want this so bad. she's been there longer and she has already helped out back there and gotten some experience. i dont really expect to go back,but that would be so cool if i could. this is my chance.
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| i've had my moments too... |
[19 Jan 2007|09:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indescribable |
] |
Emerson Drive
Moments
I was coming to the end of a long long walk
When a man crawled out of a cardboard box
Under the E. Street Bridge
Followed me on to it
I went out halfway across
With that homeless shadow tagging along
So I dug for some change
Wouldn't need it anyway
He took it lookin' just a bit ashamed
He said, You know, I haven't always been this way
I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that plane ride coming home from the war
That summer my son was born
And memories like a coat so warm
A cold wind can't get through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments
I stood there tryin' to find my nerve
Wondering if a single soul on Earth
Would care at all
Miss me when I'm gone
That old man just kept hanging around
Lookin' at me, lookin' down
I think he recognized
That look in my eyes
Standing with him there I felt ashamed
I said, You know, I haven't always felt this way
I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like the day I walked away from the wine
For a woman who became my wife
And a love that, when it was right,
Could always see me through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments
I know somewhere 'round a trashcan fire tonight
That old man tells his story one more time
He says
I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that cool night on the E. Street Bridge
When a young man almost ended it
I was right there, wasn't scared a bit
And I helped to pull him through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
Oh, lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments
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| just some lyrics going through my head. |
[08 Aug 2006|07:45am] |
just some lyrics going through my head. they have a lot of meaning right now. i was so afraid of this......
How To Save A Life The Fray lyrics
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
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| i've been waiting for this for so long....it's here!!! |
[29 May 2006|01:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ecstatic |
] |
ok, so my parents and allie and i went today to see the greyhounds. they showed us these two that were kennelmates(i cant spell). their names were peekaboo(girl) and alliby(boy). my mom said that we could either get two greyhounds or one greyhound and my puppy. ive decided on the two greyhounds. my mom just called to reserve them and we'll be taking them home when we get back from ohio. peekaboo will sleep in allie's room and alliby will sleep with me. they said he'll pretty much follow around whoever he attaches onto. we're going to make sure thats me. im sooooo excited!!!!! i'll post pics of them on here soon. oh, peekaboo's brown and alliby's black with a white bib. i cant wait!!!
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| not making any sense |
[08 Nov 2005|09:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
ok, this is just a bunch of random thoughts going through my head right now. if u wanna read it, thats cool. if u dont, thats probably smart cuz it wont really make much sense anyway. i just feel like getting it out.
( insane ramblings )
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| arg!!!!! |
[11 Oct 2005|08:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
Linkin Park
Easier To Run
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)
[Chorus]
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)
Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
It's so much simpler than change
[Chorus]
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
It's easier to run
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made)
It's easier to go
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)
.....every word of it.
.
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| hahahaha |
[04 Oct 2005|10:45pm] |
A good friend is like a *condom* They protect you when things get hard* Your my condom! Pass this onto all your *CONDOMS*
hahahaha!!! i just had to post this!! i got it from jen who got it from dustin.
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| and even as i wander, im keeping you in sight.... |
[04 Sep 2005|12:23am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
Artist: REO Speedwagon
Song Lyrics: Can't Fight This Feeling
I cant fight this feeling any longer.
And yet Im still afraid to let it flow.
What started out as friendship,
Has grown stronger.
I only wish I had the strength to let it show.
I tell myself that I cant hold out forever.
I said there is no reason for my fear.
Cause I feel so secure when were together.
You give my life direction,
You make everything so clear.
And even as I wander,
Im keeping you in sight.
Youre a candle in the wind,
On a cold, dark winters night.
And Im getting closer than I ever thought I might.
And I cant fight this feeling anymore.
Ive forgotten what I started fighting for.
Its time to bring this ship into the shore,
And throw away the oars, forever.
Cause I cant fight this feeling anymore.
Ive forgotten what I started fighting for.
And if I have to crawl upon the floor,
Come crushing through your door,
Baby, I cant fight this feeling anymore.
My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you.
Ive been running round in circles in my mind.
And it always seems that Im following you, girl,
Cause you take me to the places,
That Id known Id never find.
And even as I wander,
Im keeping you in sight.
Youre a candle in the wind,
On a cold, dark winters night.
And Im getting closer than I ever thought I might.
And I cant fight this feeling anymore.
Ive forgotten what I started fighting for.
Its time to bring this ship into the shore,
And throw away the oars, forever.
Cause I cant fight this feeling anymore.
Ive forgotten what I started fighting for.
And if I have to crawl upon the floor,
Come crushing through your door,
Baby, I cant fight this feeling anymore.
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| how the hell did we wind up like this? |
[02 Sep 2005|10:32am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
contemplative and confused |
] |
Nickelback
Someday
How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able, to see the signs that we missed
And try turn the tables
I wish you'd unclench your fists, and unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
But don't think it's too late
Nothing's wrong, just as long as
You know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
Well I'd hope that since we're here anyway
That we could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up staying
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror
Nothing's wrong, just as long as
You know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
[Solo]
How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able, to see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror
Nothing's wrong, just as long as
You know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
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| im tagged???? |
[27 Aug 2005|11:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
stressed |
] |
so apparently i've been tagged. so here are 20 random facts about myself.
start time: 12:01
1)my name is michelle elizabeth kehrli
2)my best friend is anastacia nicole cocca
3)my favorite color is blue, but im starting to like pink
4)i like dogs a lot but im not allowed to get a puppy...):
5)i have lost the abilty to write and dont think i will pass my english class
6)i am in college
7)i want to be a first grade teacher
8)i like to wish on stars
9)i LOVE the ocean
10)i have one younger sister
11)i have 2 or 3 friends that i consider to be my close friends
12)i often wish i was someone different
13)if i could pick one place to go on vacaccion to, it would be italy
14)i am wearing my pj's right now
15)my favorite theme park is disneyland
16)my favorite ride is the matterhorn(i cant spell)
17)i get mad when my sister eats my breadsticks from olive garden
18)i drive an '88 toyota celica
19)i hate job hunting with a passion
20)i think this took way too long
end time: 12:14
ok, that DID take way too long. since im pretty sure most of the people on my list have already been tagged, im just going to tag one....
crazy_emotions
consider yourself tagged!!
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[28 Jul 2005|11:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
disappointed |
] |
aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hate when people let you down. like when you do something for someone and then it ends up to be all for nothing. what i hate even more is loosing friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok, since i probably made no sence at all, let me clarify........i have these two friends from tae kwon do, sara and ivana. they r sisters. i hardly ever see them anymore. they tested for their black belts in june. i was there for all of it. i helped them out, cheered them on, brought them water, hairbands, shirts, made them signs, anything they needed. black belt testing is very challanging so i tried to help out in every way possible. we have our annual picnic for the studio a week from saturday. thats when they were supposed to recieve their black belts. i really want to see them so i signed up to do the demonstration, even tho i didnt want to. just to be able to see them. i just talked to ivana who said they're not gonna be their. that they r too busy and might be going to italy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so now im roped into doing the demo and going to practices and participating in the whole event!!!!!! and its like all for nothing. im so mad. i hate being let down. this was probably gonna be like the last time i was gonna see them cuz they're quitting after this and live like an hour away. i feel like im loosing two of my best friends. i hate being let down and loosing friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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sunkissed_kiddo's journal
really bored
